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A Gamer's Confession - Aspergers & Streaming


This will probably be the most personal thing I ever reveal about myself. It's been a little over a year since I first made my gaming platforms and started streaming and creating content. My lack of new videos and content the past 2 weeks I suppose is what propelled me to speak out, as I'm slowly starting to grow & figured I owe an explanation. As some may know, I'm a very small content creator primarily on Youtube but also have channels on Twitch, Minds, Locals, and Rumble, as well as run/manage my own Website and Discord server. I also started contributing blog articles to GeekandGamers and incorporated a blog on my own site.


Not long ago after I first started this part time hobby, I never spent much time on social media or Youtube, Twitch, etc. I had to learn myself how to properly navigate these platforms and how to make videos while trying to familiarize myself with various creator programs, tools, and techniques. I do my best to manage all these platforms 100% by myself, work a full time job 4 days a week while also juggling to spend time with my wife and our dogs. Between editing, writing, and updating all these platforms during the 3 days off a week I'm allotted, I also have to actually allow time to game and do various research for new content. This is where I've struggled lately. The Past 2 weeks I've revamped my website, adding a blog and various mobile functions. I've also wrote 2 Destiny Articles, which were my first times attempting to write opinion pieces which you can read here.


I've been told by many I need to narrate and use my voice in my videos. While I a plan to and have tried and scrapped past attempts, I struggle with it due to what is considered a "Disability", although I never really refer to it as such nor let that stop me from things. Never have I publicly stated this before now, nor am I attempting to make excuses, but I do have a developmental disorder called Aspergers and was diagnosed almost 20 years ago. When I said I never let that stop me before, I honestly went through life forgetting I was ever diagnosed as I have grown accustomed to my daily routines. It wasn't until a few weeks ago, when Elon Musk came out and publicly announced he too has Asperger's, that I was reminded of my own struggles. I know it's odd, but I never researched or ever bothered to learn much about it having been diagnosed at 10 years old. While I've always been aware of the diagnosis, I grew up not discussing or realizing what it meant, going through life until recently, unaware certain things I do or attempt has a direct correlation to Asperger's.


It wasn't until I started making videos and using a Mic that my struggles dawned on me. Every time I tried recording myself talk, I would play it back and notice myself sounding robotic with a lack of enthusiasm. So I continued to make my videos with subtitles and guided text to combat this, although I know it isn't ideal if I am to grow. I've always been antisocial and shy around people until I get to know them, often coming across as stuck up or insensitive. Carrying on a conversation with strangers or making small talk has always been something I struggle with. I've always felt I communicate normally when chatting with friends and people I'm comfortable around, but when trying to speak to strangers I often tense up and have trouble finding things to say. This was made apparent whenever I would Livestream via Twitch, knowing I should communicate with my chat but failing to do so on most occasions. As a result, I chose to focus more on YouTube and the video creating/editing side of things and believe this to be my strong suit.


I'm writing this in an attempt to step outside of my comfort zone and be more transparent. This is something I've always been embarrassed about and always kept to myself. Today, I'm taking the first steps to overcome it by sharing this publicly. Please don't misinterpret this article as an attempt by me to play victim, as I'm not looking for pity, clout, or acceptance. Rather, this is an experiment for myself, to see if sharing something I consider personal will help my social skills going forward.


I am planning to better manage both my time and release schedule, allotting equal time to gaming and creating content. Also I'm planning on using my voice in videos soon. With that said, I ask that everyone please bare with me as I work up the courage to do so and overcome the slight hinderance implementing vocals. Hopefully this article helped explain things from my perspective, and I look forward to creating better content going forward! Thanks for reading what is now the third article I've written and the most personal one yet.

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